The start of my emigration story page 1

devogue
2nd January 2012, 08:32 AM
I'm not changing a fucking word; I don't need your little critiques. Pah! :p

The clouds were low, but the sun shone through like a Disney temptress, winking with lemon citrus spears of alien light, drenching my skin with bleach-like intensity, and showering its invisible pollen on my wife and children.

And alien it certainly was. December 26th 2011 felt weird; it was strange sitting on a camp chair, on a beach, savouring jasmine scented air mingled with brine and sun block. I felt a bit like Nick Drake, but less suicidal. At one point I even turned to Arlene in a silent moment and said “Listen”...(what?)...”That's the sound of your dreams coming true”. She didn't call me a twat, though for once the oft-used insult would have been fully deserved..

The tide was coming in, pointless splishing and splashing that provided endless fun for children bereaved of a Dickensian world of cold and mud. In the distance was Little Barrier Island, and further on was Great Barrier Island … no medium, all extremes, the view from Tawharanui beach was a portrait of the year just gone...

We spent the day with David, Selina, and their children – a ninety minute drive from our new home to their camping site, a quick beer, a glass of Champagne, and then another wave of quiet bliss, visions of barefoot children bronzed by summer sun breathing lungfuls of perfect Pacific air. A barbecue ...dodgy burgers, crisps, warm juice, laughter, the irritating childish impatience to get to the beach, to finally realise the dream...

August 2007

The solicitor's office...
charlou
2nd January 2012, 10:25 AM
Nice snapshot.
nostrum
3rd January 2012, 02:36 AM
You have a nice literary writing style. Plus, I've always been itching to know how your emigration came about :) so keep it coming!
devogue
3rd January 2012, 02:41 AM
I've read it again and I'm not so sure now. Too self-conscious, serious, needlessly wordy and clunky. Ah well, it's been a while since I've written anything.
Magicziggy
3rd January 2012, 02:42 AM
Will there be a comic strip version...?

Just kidding. :)
Will read later.
charlou
3rd January 2012, 02:43 AM
dev, you're a superb writer ... such a privilege to read you ... you'll find your stride again x
Magicziggy
3rd January 2012, 10:38 AM
I like Arlene already...

Wonderfully evocative dev.
devogue
3rd January 2012, 10:44 AM
:o

Thanks!
Cunt
6th January 2012, 02:51 AM
...waiting for the money-shot...
Hermit
6th January 2012, 03:05 AM
I'm not changing a fucking word; I don't need your little critiques. Pah! :pToo self-conscious, serious, needlessly wordy and clunky.STFU! Didn't you read what the man said in the OP?
gib
12th January 2012, 10:08 AM
dev i thought you had a wine shop - could be a few years out of date with that tho, what happened there?
???
13th January 2012, 08:54 PM
I also love your writing. Please provide more. In return: love
divagreen
15th January 2012, 08:27 AM
on a beach, savouring jasmine scented air mingled with brine and sun block

I know this scent!!!!!

It makes me nostalgic for Florida.

So do you have any more writings to share, Devogue?
Magicziggy
1st May 2012, 02:30 PM
This seems a tad unfinished.

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